Giving Thanks

Well, here we go with another holiday season.  I have always loved the holidays.  I love the whole bit from Thanksgiving to Christmas... food, music, decorations, shopping, hustle and bustle, everything.  I hate that the Christmas music and holiday sales start earlier and earlier every year.  Didn't it used to start the day after Thanksgiving?  The Black Friday sales?  Now even those are before Thanksgiving.  Now the stores start changing before even Halloween is over.  I think this is a shame.  Once something is spread too thin it is no longer special.  Just sayin'. 


Love

 But, this blog is about Thanksgiving.  In my mind the official start of the 'holidays'.  Even more so in my family because between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a whole bunch of birthdays including mine!  Still, I am approaching the holidays with some trepidation.  I made it through last year's holidays with less pain than I anticipated.  I'm worried now that I am not preparing myself for the hurt that will be inevitable during this year's holidays and without my armor fully in place, I may be caught by surprise grief...sometimes the hardest to handle. 


Family Traditions

 Last year Thanksgiving was the hardest for me.  We had a wonderful family dinner at my brother's house.  Which was exactly the same thing we did the year before...back when we were whole and complete.  It was just too hard for me.  And just in case the day wasn't difficult enough already, my husband's father passed away that afternoon.  I'm not sure Thanksgiving will ever be the same for me again.  Thanksgiving was, unequivocally, Michaela's favorite holiday, because it was about all of the things she loved the most:  Food and Family.  Without the overdone pressure of Christmas.  Just togetherness.  It was incredibly important to her.



Us

  This year Thanksgiving will be different for us.  Bill and I are spending the holiday alone together.  No family, no feast.  Without Michaela and with the loss of his mother and father this year, a family feast would just be too much.  All of the other big milestones since Michaela died, we have surrounded ourselves with friends and family and it has been a great blessing, but it is time for us to comfort only each other.  So we will have a quiet day together and maybe a nice meal out.  And we will be giving thanks.  That is what the day is about anyway, right?

To get myself in the right mindset I thought I would start a list of things to remember to give thanks for:


My husband, my rock, my love, my life.  The reason I can still function at all. 





Mom

  My family...the one I was born to.  Those people that I don't see nearly enough of, but love with all my heart.


Grief

  My children...all of them, regardless of how they came into my life.  We may be a jumbled up mess, but we make do.







My grandchildren...love doesn't care about bloodlines.  Nobody can be sad around those beautiful children.



My trashy friends :).

 My HHH friends and the organization that brought us altogether.  I have never met such a group of irreverent, light-hearted, non-judgemental, fun people in my life, but what makes them special is the way they will be there for you 100% when you need them most.

My Bear

My dog.  Going on 12 years old.  Healthy and Happy, he has traveled the world with me.  Stay young Bear!





My Sister

  
Karen, my chosen sister.  I wasn't lucky enough to have a sister from birth, so God gave me one when I needed one.  10 years of unfaltering sisterhood, through so much together, ups and downs, happys and sads, agree or disagree...still sisters.

Bubble baths and books.  Who needs therapy?

Photos and videos and the fact that Michaela loved being in either of them.  So many memories to cherish.

Financial security.  Might be crass to be thankful for money, but security allows us to take care of what needs taken care of, see distant family more often than otherwise would be possible, live without undo need, and even indulge in little things that bring us comfort and joy.  It isn't something we have always had, so while we aren't rich, we have plenty and that is enough to be thankful for.

My job.  Like everyone else, I complain.  But really I have the dream job...good pay, flexible hours, a ridiculous amount of vacation, co-workers that I genuinely like and a company that tries to maintain a family atmosphere even in troubling financial times.

My faith.  I am not a churchy person.  But my faith is strong and my hope is eternal.

Flowers, the moon, the stars, the beach, smooth water and blue skies, the leaves changing in the fall, music, giraffes, surprises, cheese, electricity, thunderstorms and power outages, iphones and caller id, flip-flops, cruise control, the internet, horses, long weekends, and wine.

Michaela's friends and the way they let me be a small part of their lives, so that I can maintain a feel for her own life.

Pellie.  My children's father's wife.  Because of the positive influence she had on him and the wonderful step-mother she is.


And mostly, I am thankful for all of the people in my life who do every little thing to make my life easier.  All the love and the caring and the giving and the thoughtfulness and the insight that my friends and my family and even, often, strangers show to each other and to me. 

Kindness.  I'm thankful for Kindness.

**I did not take all of the photos in this post.