Today a young man (25-30) from another office was working in my office. Somehow the conversation got onto parents and how since his parents have retired, they are more pushy with him. I was sort of half listening, half working, but I remember him saying they (his sister and him) had gotten their parents dogs so they would stop bothering them about grandchildren and marriage. He mentioned that every time he dated someone they would get excited hoping she was 'the one'.
I laughed and said I understood that, but I was lucky, because I had lots of grandkids already. He pointed at my board and said 'I see that, but I wasn't sure which was which, how many kids do you have?' I laughed and said the adults are ours and the kids are grandkids (not a strange answer because two women in my office, near my age have kids younger than my older grandkids).
I gave my standard answer that my husband and I have 5, we're a blended family and we have 5 grandkids. He kept asking questions, which even at the time I thought was a little odd (I have actually known this young man for awhile), but I just figured small talk, whatever, we're stuck in a small office together for the morning. Then he said, 'the blonde looks like you, she must be yours'. It stopped me in my tracks. Nobody says that. Not from a picture. I recognize that indeed, if you analyze our features, she has a few of mine, but mostly we don't even look like we are from the same country. Usually people looking at the five kids pictures would pick Brandon and Mistina as mine (because I had said two were mine). I was so confused that I pointed at the picture closest to me, one of Mich and Heather, and said this one? And he said, the one in the yellow shirt...a different picture of Mich. Then he looked at the one I pointed at and said yeah, that one. I said, yes this one is mine and the other one is my husband's.
Then I said, she died in a car accident several years ago. He said he was sorry and the conversation turned to something else. Diving, I think. And on my day went...busy, strangely unique, and frustrating. I didn't think about the conversation again until bedtime. And as I pondered the thought that someone thought my daughter looked like me, I realized the truth.
He didn't think she looked like me. He simply wanted more information about her...like is she single? I am always so desperate for a chance to talk about her, think about her, have somebody recognize her existence that it didn't even cross my mind at the time. Young, good looking, personable, polite, well employed, just the type of person I would have dreamed of for my daughter.
If she was alive, I most certainly would have recognized his words for what they were, a quest for information. Funny how we hear things through the filter of our own experience.
Beautifully written, as usual.
ReplyDeleteI know just how you feel about wanting to talk about Mishy. I recently had a talk with my principal, who I only met a few months ago. The subject of children who die young came up, and I mentioned Laura. After I told her a little bit about her, I was shocked to hear that my principal had met Laura.....Laura belonged to a SADD type group called Serento Gardens. She used to go to the local schools with a counselor and talk about staying away from cigarette s and drugs. After she died, I asked that people donate to them in Laura's memory, and they set up a scholarship for other board members graduating from HS.
My principal knew about the scholarship and remembered when Laura had come to her school. I actually got to talk about Laura....to someone I had never talked to before. It was a wonderful feeling. A "new" memory! I was so grateful.