Treasures

My last short post I announced that Michaela's FB page had been restored.  Hurray, good news!  But...as I expected this was probably a programming error.  It is a mixed result at this time.   The notes and the videos are still there.  The conversations and status updates are gone.  Anticipating that would happen, I spent that entire day cutting and pasting her notes, our friendship and then her own page with all of her status updates.  What a treasure to have.  A literal day by day accounting of her mood, her thoughts, her conversations with people. 
I started copying her pages and got back to December of 2009.  I couldn't do any more, I had to take a break from it.  I wanted to continue sooner, but I was also a bit afraid to.  After the initial rush of excitement and the frantic copying, there was a huge let down and an enormous emotional toll.  Imagine if you possibly can, after 18 months of nothing, to be bombarded with memory after memory after memory. Overwhelming.  Wonderful, but draining.  And, in the end, as a very new, but already dear friend of mine said, 'in the end, you still don't have her.' 

I even tried not to read as I was copying, if you can believe that.  I wasn't there to dwell in the memories, but only to copy them, to keep them, to have them for someday, to know they were still there if I wanted to read them.  But I couldn't stop the words from jumping off the screen either.  'Hey mom!  I love you!'  'Mom, you're profile picture is so oddly elegant.  I am so excited to be like you.'  'I love my life.' 'I love my brother.'  From Italy:  'The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? ::My phone doesn't ring. I don't have one here. But if it did I would WANT it to be my mommy.' And the mundane:  'Mumzy, would you make me a hair appointment with Song?'  Each line bringing a specific moment into crystal clear focus.



By Michaela (remember my blog about Circles?)

 Anyway, I am lucky.  I am blessed.  I have a lot of treasures that a lot of people don't get to have.  Michaela wrote journals for her entire life.  They are private and they are personal and I will never know exactly what was in her head at the time that she wrote some things.  I have only glanced through them.  It is too hard to dwell there either, partly because she mostly wrote when she was sad or down or had something on her mind to work out.  She drew and made art leaving me everything from doodles to masterpieces.  She wrote poetry.  She loved to be in front of a camera and would ham it up for a video.  Hours and hours of video from when she was a little girl.  Snippets of video documenting her life at college.  Songs!  Videos of herself sing love ballads and rap songs. 

She wrote notes to me.  I didn't keep them all.  I wish I had kept more. She often wrote when she had something she wanted to discuss with me, but was having a hard time starting the conversation, things she struggled with.  She would write the note, hand it to me, and sit down to wait for me to read it so we could talk about it.  They weren't a way to avoid a conversation, they were a way to start one. These I don't have any longer. 

But I kept some.  I keep them in my nightstand. She wrote me long notes on Mother's day for the past few years.  Each one documenting her love for me and the way that I raised her.  Each one talking about specific lessons she learned from me.  Each one listing specific things she loved about me.  Each one talking about her hopes for herself in the future.  These I kept.  I thank God for that.  They bring me a great deal of comfort and peace.  I do read these notes fairly regularly.  They remind me that she loved me and she knew I loved her.  They remind me that she was happy and that no matter how unusual our life was, she loved her family unconditionally.

Only one note I kept was not from Mother's day.  It was written on Dec 31, 2008, after what turned out to be our last Christmas together.  It was 2 pages long.  It is the best gift of all. 

"I don't think you understand how much I LOVE visiting home.  ... I feel so warm and comfortable and just peaceful here ... It's home and home is where everyone wants to be, all the time.  ... I really love the time I get to spend with you and Bill.  I love you both so much.  I'm so lucky.  Really. I. Am. So. Lucky.  ... I'm really sad to be leaving .... The point is I love you very much and it is both sad and scary to leave your 'wing' and my current idea and familiar basis of 'home'.  ... And this Christmas was a memorable one.  It was amazing.  Everyone got along; everyone was happy to be here and wanted to be in the company of everyone else. ... and, your sheep blanky is very comfortable. (I'm curled up in it as we speak! Ha Ha!) But no worries; I'm not sweating. .....   The point is:  I really love you.  You are home.  ..... PS.  My grades from fall:  A, A-,A-,A-,B ... your awesomest daughter."

Signed, as always, with a little heart and then her name.  What an amazing gift.  A treasure like no other.

A Christmas Present from Facebook

Wow, what a day!  I am exhausted.  I am emotionally drained. 

Facebook gave me Michaela's words back!  Every last one of them!

Her entire page has been restored.

I don't know if this is an accident caused by the latest update to the profile formats or deliberate, so just in case, I am copying and pasting as fast as I can. 

Seeing her words, just her every day status', her notes that blogged her way through three years of growing up at college.  I can't even begin to say what it means to have this gift.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I don't have time to write a blog now, but I wanted to share this wonderful news.

Katy

A summer (miracle?) story

It is very cold outside today (for Florida).  I have to say that first, because it is a law in Florida that if the temperature is below 40 degrees, you must first make comment on the weather before saying anything else. 

As Christmas approaches, my mind wanders towards miracles, so I thought I would share a true story, even though it is a summer story (actually I thought I had published this story before, but I guess not...the mind is a a terrible thing).  I'll leave you to decide for yourself if it qualifies as a miracle story, but please respect my wish that you keep any non-believing thoughts to yourself.  It is my miracle, please let me have it my way :). 

A picture I borrowed to
represent myself

First the back story, because without the back story, there is no miracle, just carelessness.  To understand the story, you must know that my nickname among my closest friends is Happy (never mind why, it isn't important).  Second, you must know that since being bestowed this nickname, I often use a 1970's style yellow Happy Face to represent myself.  Third, it is a fact that on the day that this story happened, my FB profile picture was a picture of a woman hiding behind a Mylar happy face balloon (representing the happy face that we, the grieving, hide behind for the rest of the world). 

Mich in her famous
tie dye with a friend
she ran into at a concert

Next you must know a little bit about my daughter, Michaela.  Michaela was a bright color fanatic.  She decorated everything around her in the brightest colors she could find.  She was the Queen of Tie Dye. She loved balloons and for a very long time had a deflated, crazy colored Mylar fish balloon hung on her wall.  A few short weeks before her accident, we went to see the movie Up!.  It was the last movie we saw together.  She absolutely loved it of course, it was 100% her...bright and colorful and all about the importance of relationships over things.  And lastly, she was scrupulous about making sure that I had no reason to worry about her, particularly that summer...if she was going to be late or stay with a friend, she made sure I knew where she was (even though she was an adult). 



A few of her favorite things

 Now the story.  On a late June Sunday afternoon, a year after her accident, we held a 'Remembrance' at the beach where we had put her remains.  This beach is at the far north end of a lifeguard protected beach (one of the few in the area).  It was a perfectly beautiful day and my friends came out for the day from all over Florida.  We sprawled out under awnings and beach umbrellas sharing drinks, and stories, and pictures.  We took some of her favorite things with us.  It was a nice day.  A good day to remember. 



Flowers put on the beach on
Long Island in Rembrance (daffodils
were her favorite flower)

 Mid-afternoon, at the very edge of the horizon, floating slowly north, we could see something glinting in the sun.  It was much too far away to see what it was, but we all watched its slow progress up the coast.  Moving steadily North, not moving out to sea or closer to the beach.  It floated past the last lifeguard stand (about 100 yards south of us).  As it passed his stand, he decided to 'rescue' it (apparently none of the other lifeguards had thought to do this).  It took him a very long time to swim out to what we could now clearly see.  It floated past us with the lifeguard in hot pursuit.  Finally he caught it, and swam in with it (about 100 yards north of us).  Then he carried it back down the beach to his lifeguard stand and tied it there, where it amazingly had enough air left to keep it floating lazily behind the chair for the rest of the afternoon.

As I'm sure you have figured out by now, it was a bunch of Mylar balloons.  But not just any old balloons, it was a bouquet of yellow happy face balloons (4 of them) with a few smaller red and blue balloons thrown in for color.  I have only this one picture.  I don't know why there weren't more.  I think we were all too stunned (and crying) to think to take any.



The lifeguard in action



Pain and Kindness

I have about 10 different blogs started in drafts and lists.  I have even more in my head that I know I will write about when the time is right;  the more personal stories about my grief journey and my views on miracles and signs.  But lately I sit down in front of the computer and all I want to write is:  'It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts' over and over again like a child being punished at the blackboard.  So instead of writing about my feelings and the pain of living and losing, I throw up a deceptively cheerful Facebook status, play another round of Word With Friends, and try to stay on a track that keeps me from spilling my own personal anguish all over everyone else around me.

Why?  Because I am not the only one with personal anguish.  The world is full of people are doing their best to cope with their own problems.  Not that we can't rely on each other for help.  We can and we should.  But we can't just wander around blindly assuming that our own pain is the only pain or the biggest pain or the most important pain in the world.  We can't (or shouldn't) strike out in anger at other people when our own pain becomes intolerable. 

I was very down a few months ago and believe it or not, this concept had not occurred to me.  I was so far down that I couldn't see much of anyone else's problems (I couldn't see much of anything besides my pain).  It didn't help matters that until Michaela died so unexpectedly, I was living a blissful life.  I thought I had problems.  I complained.  Things weren't perfect, but I had no concept of the kind of raw, soul scratching pain the universe can hand to someone.  I was hurting and I was taking it out on the whole world.

During that time, I was talking to a friend and some of the problems that other people were having came up, I don't remember how.  What I remember her saying is 'there is so much pain in the world, it is a wonder that anything good ever happens' or something along those lines. 

Whatever her exact words were, they stopped me in my tracks.  I spent the rest of the day thinking about people I know personally and the challenges they face--cancer, abuse, broken hearts, loneliness, family alienation, financial hardship, teen suicide, cutting, fear, life-style haters, discrimination.  That day I decided to quit spilling my own anguish on others.  I share my pain and ask for help when I need it, but I don't flip off the driver in the next car for making an error just because I'm having a bad day.  I try not to grump at the co-worker who asks me the same question for the 3rd time.  I try not to snap at the person blocking the entire lane at the Walmart while they try to pick between 7 kinds of green beans.  And I try not to write blogs that just say 'it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts'. 

That day was several months ago.  I haven't been entirely successful in my endeavor to be more understanding of other people's pain, but I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of not spreading even more pain out there.  At least up until this week.  This week my grief came at me with a vengence and I found myself being snappy and snitty with everyone, even my wonderful husband, who, unfortunately had to weather the worst of it.  It is like being on a diet I suppose, one bad day doesn't ruin the whole thing....so up I will climb again, onto that wagon of hope, and try a little harder to keep my cup of anguish from splashing onto other people.

I know that I was right in my last post.  This year's holidays are going to be a very difficult challenge for me.  Thanksgiving passed without incident as my armor was wrapped tight around me and I had a plan of action for getting through, but as soon as the holiday weekend ended, the plan ended and the armor dropped and the pain struck blindingly.  So I learn.  I need a plan, a track to follow, a place to aim for, to keep my pain from sidetracking me.  I will stay focused on the good things in life, but I will not beat myself up for crying when my heart is breaking and I will not strike out at the people who are trying to help me.

I am blessed this year to have everyone coming home for the holidays.  There will be a lot of love and laughter and there will be a lot of action to keep me insulated from my own pain for a little while.  There will be a plan and we will all get through it together, perhaps we will do even better than just get through.  We will make new memories, happy memories.  And I will remember through the holidays and even afterwards, especially afterwards, that everyone is carrying their own pain inside.

Please be kind to each other.

Giving Thanks

Well, here we go with another holiday season.  I have always loved the holidays.  I love the whole bit from Thanksgiving to Christmas... food, music, decorations, shopping, hustle and bustle, everything.  I hate that the Christmas music and holiday sales start earlier and earlier every year.  Didn't it used to start the day after Thanksgiving?  The Black Friday sales?  Now even those are before Thanksgiving.  Now the stores start changing before even Halloween is over.  I think this is a shame.  Once something is spread too thin it is no longer special.  Just sayin'. 


Love

 But, this blog is about Thanksgiving.  In my mind the official start of the 'holidays'.  Even more so in my family because between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a whole bunch of birthdays including mine!  Still, I am approaching the holidays with some trepidation.  I made it through last year's holidays with less pain than I anticipated.  I'm worried now that I am not preparing myself for the hurt that will be inevitable during this year's holidays and without my armor fully in place, I may be caught by surprise grief...sometimes the hardest to handle. 


Family Traditions

 Last year Thanksgiving was the hardest for me.  We had a wonderful family dinner at my brother's house.  Which was exactly the same thing we did the year before...back when we were whole and complete.  It was just too hard for me.  And just in case the day wasn't difficult enough already, my husband's father passed away that afternoon.  I'm not sure Thanksgiving will ever be the same for me again.  Thanksgiving was, unequivocally, Michaela's favorite holiday, because it was about all of the things she loved the most:  Food and Family.  Without the overdone pressure of Christmas.  Just togetherness.  It was incredibly important to her.



Us

  This year Thanksgiving will be different for us.  Bill and I are spending the holiday alone together.  No family, no feast.  Without Michaela and with the loss of his mother and father this year, a family feast would just be too much.  All of the other big milestones since Michaela died, we have surrounded ourselves with friends and family and it has been a great blessing, but it is time for us to comfort only each other.  So we will have a quiet day together and maybe a nice meal out.  And we will be giving thanks.  That is what the day is about anyway, right?

To get myself in the right mindset I thought I would start a list of things to remember to give thanks for:


My husband, my rock, my love, my life.  The reason I can still function at all. 





Mom

  My family...the one I was born to.  Those people that I don't see nearly enough of, but love with all my heart.


Grief

  My children...all of them, regardless of how they came into my life.  We may be a jumbled up mess, but we make do.







My grandchildren...love doesn't care about bloodlines.  Nobody can be sad around those beautiful children.



My trashy friends :).

 My HHH friends and the organization that brought us altogether.  I have never met such a group of irreverent, light-hearted, non-judgemental, fun people in my life, but what makes them special is the way they will be there for you 100% when you need them most.

My Bear

My dog.  Going on 12 years old.  Healthy and Happy, he has traveled the world with me.  Stay young Bear!





My Sister

  
Karen, my chosen sister.  I wasn't lucky enough to have a sister from birth, so God gave me one when I needed one.  10 years of unfaltering sisterhood, through so much together, ups and downs, happys and sads, agree or disagree...still sisters.

Bubble baths and books.  Who needs therapy?

Photos and videos and the fact that Michaela loved being in either of them.  So many memories to cherish.

Financial security.  Might be crass to be thankful for money, but security allows us to take care of what needs taken care of, see distant family more often than otherwise would be possible, live without undo need, and even indulge in little things that bring us comfort and joy.  It isn't something we have always had, so while we aren't rich, we have plenty and that is enough to be thankful for.

My job.  Like everyone else, I complain.  But really I have the dream job...good pay, flexible hours, a ridiculous amount of vacation, co-workers that I genuinely like and a company that tries to maintain a family atmosphere even in troubling financial times.

My faith.  I am not a churchy person.  But my faith is strong and my hope is eternal.

Flowers, the moon, the stars, the beach, smooth water and blue skies, the leaves changing in the fall, music, giraffes, surprises, cheese, electricity, thunderstorms and power outages, iphones and caller id, flip-flops, cruise control, the internet, horses, long weekends, and wine.

Michaela's friends and the way they let me be a small part of their lives, so that I can maintain a feel for her own life.

Pellie.  My children's father's wife.  Because of the positive influence she had on him and the wonderful step-mother she is.


And mostly, I am thankful for all of the people in my life who do every little thing to make my life easier.  All the love and the caring and the giving and the thoughtfulness and the insight that my friends and my family and even, often, strangers show to each other and to me. 

Kindness.  I'm thankful for Kindness.

**I did not take all of the photos in this post.

Circles



The bottom of the circle is hidden in the blues.

 It occurred to me the other day that my grief travels in circles.  I have seen the 'journey' of grief described as steps, hills, rollercoasters....but for me, it is circles.  The circle goes around through all of the well known stages over and over again.  So I am up, I coping, I am feeling pretty good, I am busy, dare I even say it?  I am happy...sometimes.  But inevitably the circle swings around and I am sad or angry or down or drowning in self-pity again.  And then I start over on the climb up the other side of the circle (my circle seems to resemble a Ferris Wheel rather than a Merry-Go-Round) and I feel hope, strength, endurance, and motivation again on my way to the top.


View from the bottom.

 I haven't blogged in quite awhile.  When that happens, you can just about bet that I am at the bottom of the ride.  I have made a decision NOT to blog when I am down.  For awhile I journalled and it seemed I ONLY wrote when I was down.  The result was something that was a poor, poor, pitiful me solilique,  both depressing to write and depressing to read.  I'm done with all that.  No need to reinforce the negative.  Besides that I need to conserve my energy during those times so I have the strength not to punch somebody in the head when they tromple over my last nerve. 



Time.

 So, I've spent the last few days pondering circles and decided that it makes perfect sense to grieve this way.  We all live our lives in circles.  Everything we do is a circle.  Big circles and little circles.  Important circles and irrelvant circles.  Exciting circles and mundane circles.  And of course, the most famous circle of all...the circle of life (burst into a Disney theme here). 

No, I'm not crazy....here's some circles for you.  Monday-Weekend-Monday.  Wake up-Work-Home-Sleep (time to make the donuts?).  Happy New Year - Merry Christmas!  These circles are built right into our infrastructure from the time we are young children.  We build in artificial beginnings and ends so that we have milestones to kick off from, places to start over...a friend said to me the other day:  Mondays give us a place to start....but really it is just endless circles.



Hope.

 Circles reflect life.  Have you been to the mall lately?  Everything on the shelf looks like it came right out of my 1980 something closet.  My friends complain about their motivation for exercise coming and going.  The Earth moves around the Sun, the Moon moves around the Earth, the tide comes in-the tide goes out, Spring-Summer-Fall-Winter (I'm sure there is some relevant parallel in the word Fall and it's position on the circle), throw a rock in the water and what do you get?  Circles.





On the Upside.

  So am I doomed?  Will I forever live in this series of circles?  Probably.  But guess what?  There is good news here!  Just like the ripples on the water after you throw that stone, the circles keep getting bigger!  Yep.  In the beginning the circles were measured in days, hours, and even minutes.  I could pass through every stage from pain to peace and back during lunch!  But now I'm measuring my circle in terms of weeks most of the time.  Maybe someday it will be months, all I know is that circle is getting bigger and bigger.  And maybe the pace of the circle will change too....maybe that Ferris Wheel operator will stop me in the top car once in awhile...who knows, but I have hope that my times at the bottom of that ride will be shorter and shorter.

New York New York

As my regular readers know, I was on vacation last week in New York City.  In all my travels, I have never visited New York City before (passing through the airport doesn't count, even though we spent the night at a hotel).  So, just to lighten things up, this is just a simple accounting of my New York City experience.

I don't think any two people can visit New York City and have the same or even similar experience, it is all a matter of perspective.  Even if you followed the same exact itinerary, the variables would make it a unique, personal experience.  I imagine that people living in NYC have very different perceptions of their own city as well.  It is like a whole world stuck into a very small area.  So these are just my thoughts and experiences based on my own past combined with my personal biases. 

For those who have been following my blog for my thoughts on grieving, I'll put it right up front.  Michaela wasn't with me in NYC.  It wasn't her kind of place.  She had been there before, so I wondered if anything would strike me about her there, but it didn't.  David, my son, was in my thoughts in NYC.  It felt like him there.  I look forward to going there with him someday.

So here it is, by subject:

 

Architecture:  Amazing and varied.  Very cool to see all of the old detailed concrete architecture next to the ultra modern buildings.  Sometimes there were so many beautiful buildings squashed together it felt like a waste of great architectural talent.

Bedbugs:  This is news that isn't news.  There have been reports of a resurgence in bedbugs in NYC, but so what.  The headlines are the normal modern media headline grabbing fear-mongering.  Do the research...it is minor and ridiculous.  Like not going to the beach because you might get see a jellyfish.  Let it go.  Live life.

Broadway (in general):  See a show.  Any show.  I wish we had seen more than the two we saw.

Broadway Comedy Club:  Skip it.  This is in the Broadway area north of Times Square.  It is a bigger comedy club and like every other comedy club claims to be the home of Seinfeld.  Two drink minimum is standard for NYC comedy shows, but at $10 a drink, no bargain.

Brooklyn Bridge:  Nice walk if you have the time.  You can see the Statue of Libery (distant), Manhattan skyline, Staten Island Ferry and financial district from here.  Subway drops you off right at the end if you take the right one. 

Canal Street:  Depends on what you want I guess.  I walked one block and it was exactly like being in Seoul Korea.  I headed north into SoHo and out of there as fast as I could.

Century 21 department store:  If you are into shopping and don't mind crowds, go here.  It is like a huge TJ Maxx.  Great bargains.  Very crowded.  Short walk from the Brooklyn Bridge (.5 mile).

Chelsea:  A trendy part of central Manhattan that is popular with the gay community.  Very nice area with many affordable restaurants.

Comedy Cellar:  Tiny little comedy club in Greenwich Village.  Great Show.  No huge headliners when we went, but they have a standard of a certain amount of TV appearances, etc before you can perform there.   No rookies.  The MC was great at conveying his message and also entertaining at the same time.  All of the comedians were funny and fun.  Two drink minimum was met with a $25 bottle of wine (counted as 4 drinks).  Three drink maximum. 



Central Park:  Loved it.  We only walked around the southern end from the castle south.  Fall colors were brilliant.  Afternoon reflections were amazing.  Rode the Carousel.  Tavern on the Green was closed in preparation for the NYC marathon.  Pedacabs are reputed to be awesome and from what we saw that would be cool, they know things and tell you about the park and will stop and take pictures for you and of you.  Not so much the horse carriages, but on a cold night that might be ok.  The horses looked healthy and well cared for.

Food:  Yep.  There is food there.  All kinds at all prices in all places.  We weren't on a foodie trip, so I don't have much to say about this.

Hampton Inn Chelsea:  Nice hotel in a great location at a good price for NYC.  Full hot breakfast included for ~$250 a night.  Free Wifi.  Sits at the edge of the Flatiron district and Chelsea.  A subway line at each corner that will get you anywhere you want to go with minimal changes.  Very clean, good service.  Clean part of town...

Falafel Stand:  You should at least try the street food.  For $4 I got a spicy chicken pita that filled me up and tasted good too. 

Fashion:  Loved seeing the different clothes.  Here in FL there is no fashion, it is all casual all the time.  Very good to catch up a little on what is in style just by people watching.  PS: Young Men...nobody in NYC was sagging their pants.  Fad over.

Greenwich Village:  Nice area.  Went to a comedy show and a wine/tapas bar there.  Loved the reality of it and small town feel. 

Iphone:  No problems with connectivity on either the Iphone or my husband's Droid (verizon).  My battery seemed to run out faster than at home even though I turned off Wifi.

King Tut:  We had a rainy day, so we went to the King Tut exhibit at the Discovery Center in Times Square.  It was a good exhibition and supposedly the last time the artifacts will be allowed to leave Egypt.  I don't think it would have been worth full price, but we found an online coupon for about 60% off.  Total cost for 2 was $40.  Didn't think to ask about a military discount.

Manhattan:  Just to note that we never really left Manhattan...no commentary on the other boroughs, we just didn't have time to do everything.

Museum of Modern Art:  Hmmmm.  There were some really good pieces there including Van Gogh's Starry Night which I love and some Monet water colors that were ok.  Then there were things like a plain white canvas and a red board nailed to the wall.  I wanted to see the photography exhibit, but again I couldn't say that anything there caught my eye.  Some of it looked like my family photos from the 70s.  Anyway, it is personal taste, but I'm glad military gets a free ride at this one (reg admission $20).

Owater:  Flavored water with no sugar or artificial sweeteners.  Nice twist.  Also comes in a brand called Hint.  I know this has nothing to do with NYC except that I discovered it there.  Staying hydrated is important.

People:  People here were like people anywhere.  You can hear all the talk you want about how New Yorkers are, but it isn't true.  There are just more of them, so you will see whatever you are looking for.  I saw a girl in Goth dress and punk red hair jump forward to hold a door open for a couple of women she didn't know struggling to get their stollers in a door, elevator doors held open, and directions willing offered.  You will find what you look for.

Phantom of the Opera:  Excellent musical.  The best.  I have seen a lot of theater (in London mostly).  I have even seen this musical in London.  Doesn't compare.  The set, the talent, the show.  Just do it.  We got our tickets late at the Tickets place in Times Square after debating whether we should go for 50% off (about $60 each).  It was worth double that.  We got 2nd row seats off to one side, but didn't have an obstructed view and it was great to be that close.

Staten Island Ferry:  Best Bargain in all of NYC!  Free!  Crosses about every 30 minutes from south Manhattan to Staten Island right past the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.  I can't compare it to the special ferries that go to the Islands and I have heard that Ellis Island is very good to go to, but for views and price you can't beat this ride.

Street performers:  Give 'em a buck.  Some of these people have real talent.  Who knows why they are playing in the subway.  Worst thing to do in my opinion is to listen, look or take pictures of any of these performers and walk away without paying.

Subway:  Quite possibly the most complicated subway system in the world.  Yet amazingly easy to navigate.  Get the North/South routes down and you can get around Manhattan.  Make sure you go in on the right side of the street for the direction you want to go.

Swizz:  Swiss restaurant (Fondue and Wine, plus full menu).  The cheese fondue was delicious, but the prices made the Melting Pot look like a budget restaurant.  This was next to the Broadway comedy club north of Times Square just outside the theater district.

Taxis:  Make sure you get in a Yellow Cab with a meter.  Don't let someone call a "car" for you, you are likely to get ripped off.

Times Square:  Overrated.  If you like advertisements, then this is the place for you.  People talk about the energy, but all I could see was the energy consumption.  Good food is hard to find in this area at a reasonable price.

Top of the Rock:  Top of Rockefeller Center observation deck.  A must do.  Day and Night.  I can't compare it to the top of the Empire State building because we didn't do that one, but it makes sense that it would be a better view as you can look at the Empire State building from one side and Central Park from the other.  PS:  Military is only $10 (reg price $21). 

Traffic:  It didn't really seem all that bad.  I'm sure it has it's moments and there was lots of horn honking, but when we were in cabs, there wasn't anything slowing us down.

Weather:  We had great weather.  Chilly, fall days with great leaf colors.  Had to wear a coat most of the time, but that has to beat walking around sweating.  One day of rain, but that was necessary to keep me from walking my feet into bloody stumps.

Wicked:  Excellent musical.  At this time it is still selling out every day, so don't bother trying to get discount tickets.  The second half is better than the first.  The set is simple, so a travelling version in any other city is probably very good.

Wine Spot:  A tiny basement Wine and Tapas Bar in Greenwich Village.  Everyone there was beautiful, go figure.  And young.  But a cozy place for a snack and a glass of wine.  Worth a visit to the entire area and a special stop in here.

So there you have it.  We had a great time.  We can no more say we have 'seen' NYC than anyone else who doesn't have months to spare.  We visited a part of the big city.  We explored a small area.  We did it with limited funds and specific expectations.  That, I guess, would be my biggest advice.  Know what you want before you go....foodie?  Wine?  Sights?  Architecture?  People watcher?  ...whatever you want to do, take the time to research it before you go, and then be flexible when you get there.  Weather or whatnot might change your plans, but if you can't find something to do in NYC, then you should accept that you are a boring person and nothing in the world will ever entertain you.