Blessings

Yesterday I was interviewed by a friend doing a study on Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  It was a more difficult interview than I expected it to be and although immediately afterwards, I thought I had handled it ok, I really didn't.  Remembering Michaela and talking about her is one thing; it is a wonderful thing.  Remembering and discussing that terrible time in the hospital and the emotions that surrounded her death is not something I want to do very often.  It left me sleepless and a bit down.

But I remembered when I was talking to her that even very early on, I was able to recognize some blessings that were given to us to ease our pain.  I was able to recognize that I wasn't coping on my own and I didn't need to.  That God was going to support me both directly and through the amazing people he has put in my life to help me.  I remembered that I had written about some of these blessings, but it took me awhile to find where I had written it.  This is what I wrote on July 1, 2009 in a note to her friends and family via FaceBook:

I am the most blessed woman on earth. God gave me one of his angels to watch over and protect for 21 years. Although I selfishly want many many more years to share with her on this earth, I can't be angry at God for wanting her back. She was only lent to this earth and we were the lucky ones whose lives she touched.

Michaela was a very discerning young woman and if she shared any part of herself with you it is because you are something special too. She had no time for the vain or the frivolous or those who couldn't laugh and weren't good in their hearts. Bless all of you who loved her. You are a better person than you know.

God took her in the most merciful way he could. He knew this was going to be a crushing blow for those of us she is leaving behind for now. She was knocked out instantly in the crash and felt no pain at any time, but he left her body completely intact for her to give the gift she so adamantly believed in...the gift of organ donation.

He also left her beautiful and breathing so that her family and friends could gather to comfort ourselves in the presence of her body. To touch and hold, kiss and cry over, and say goodbye to her. And then when our goodbyes were said and we were ready in our hearts, we said a short prayer and asked God to be merciful and take her quickly and without us having to make any heart rending decisions about her condition. Within 5 minutes of our prayer, she stopped breathing on her own and we were able to have her legally pronounced dead so that she could move on to her next gift and start preparing her body to provide miracles for as many people as possible.

They have assured us that her body is perfect for donation and that she will save the lives of many and improve the lives of many more. Thank you God for all of these blessings.

I was not always able to maintain that positive attitude, but I have never had to handle this alone.  I have my faith, my family, and my friends to sustain me. There have been many, many blessings since I wrote those words.  And I will write of them along the way, but I did want to make sure these early thoughts were preserved someplace more permanent than Facebook.