Lose, Loss, Lost

 First a poem by my friend Linsey Johnson 



 A mothers lament

Where have you gone Michaela

Why is the light so dim

The pain in my heart so constant

The child I saw today

Wasn’t you but my heart skipped a beat

Girls laughing and I heard your voice

The body was yours

But you were gone

Where is the happiness we were to share

Where is the woman you were growing into

The babies we were going to raise

So you could understand how deep my love for you was

We can’t just sit together and enjoy the simple pleasures

I just sit alone and miss you

Time heals all wounds

But I fear it cannot heal this

Nothing could, only a kiss or a hug from you

Sometimes I wish the pain would disappear

But it could only happen if I never knew you

And that I could not bear

Thank you for showing me the depth of my love





Linsey wrote this poem after reading one of my earlier blogs.  It was the one in which I talked about our society's aversion to using the words Death, Died, and Dying.  I said that I don't like the words "I lost my daughter" because it implies carelessness.  The very next day when I was speaking to someone about this poem I said that Linsey had also lost a child.

What?  I said what?  Wait, now I'm a hypocrit!  Oh no!  So I had to put some more thought into my aversion to those words.  After a few days of thinking about it, I decided I am no longer opposed to them.  I probably won't use them much in the first person, not because of the implication of carelessness, but because they are not significant enough.  It doesn't say enough.  It is too soft and fuzzy.  I would have to say I lost my daughter, my future, my dreams, my hope, my pride, my stability, my mind, my heart (and the list would go on forever).  I prefer the straight forward statement that my daughter died.  Harder to say, harder to hear, but it evokes a harsh reality in both the speaker and the listener that more closely matches my feelings in the matter.

Some Very Important People





Still, I'm willing to concede that Loss is an appropriate word to substitute for death.  It is a loss.  An incomprehensible loss.  It is not misplaced, it is lost forever and ever.  It can't even be replaced, ever.  There is a much broader meaning for the words Lose, Loss and Lost than simple careless misplacing.  There is 'she lost everything in a fire', or 'she lost her mind', neither of which are self-induced losses.  Neither of which match the loss, through death, of a beloved person (or pet) either.  But the English language is insufficient.  There aren't words for everything so we just have to make due.