Sails in the Wind

I knew tonight was going to be a rough night when on the way home from work I saw some kite surfers and started crying.  My first thought was 'oh my God, I am forgetting her, I can't hear her voice anymore, she isn't talking in my head all of the time' and I was devastated.  I want to live, but I don't want to forget.  I want to enjoy life, but I want to honor her memory.  I want her to be proud of me.  These are the some of the struggles of a mother who has lost a child. 

Why kite surfers?  When she was 15 or 16, she wanted to earn some money so I agreed to put an ad at work for her for babysitting.  Instead of a babysitting job, a couple of young airmen who had met her (bowling league) asked if she would be willing to help them with their self-taught kite surfing attempts for the same price.  Apparently when you are attempting to learn to kite-surf, it helps if someone launches the kite thing into the air for you...I don't know.  Anyway, I knew these young men, and I knew that they had no evil intentions (although one of them insisted that as soon as she turned 21 I was supposed to re-introduce them), so I agreed to let her do it.  She went out two or three times to help them.  One time one of them hurt himself and I remember her telling me, he insisted he was ok, but he was bleeding from the head really bad, so I made them stop and told him to go to the hospital.  I think that may have been the last time they tried.  He had several stitches in his head. 

Whenever I get down, I watch the video of her sky diving.  It usually helps even though it makes me cry.  If I am in worse shape I watch video after video, because nothing will help me after that.  The sky diving video helps me because it represents everything about her, her fearlessness along with her insecurities, her zest for life, her goals, her dimples, her life-living attitude, the beauty of the earth behind her, her praise to God while she was falling (it may be a cliche but Oh My God in that video means exactly that, you can see it in her face), her disorientation at the end reminding me of myself, the faces of her friends...there is nothing in that video that is anything but amazing. 

And then there is the whole representation of sails, parachutes, kites...there were so many experiences with them in our lives, both good and bad.  We parasailed, we sailboated, we flew kites, talked about skydiving, but mostly I talked to her about relationships in a parable about sails.  Some relationships are anchors holding you where you are and not letting you reach your full potential...others are sails that can soar you across the ocean or through the skies. 

I hope every one of you find a relationship that can soar you through the skies.