This last week a young woman died unexpectedly. She was a very good friend of Michaela's in High School. She was a young mother. She was also a very troubled young woman. I'm not sure I ever saw Jaimie completely happy, but I also never saw her not smiling. She was loud and witty. She could be abrasive and she put on a tough girl front for the whole world, but inside was a little girl crying out for acceptance. Like everyone else, she just wanted to be liked by many and loved by a few.
She had a lot of friends. But I'm not sure how many were true to the core friends. I know that she was fun to be around and that attracts people to you, but it doesn't always make them love you. It doesn't always mean that the friendship goes beneath the surface. It doesn't always mean that the aching hole of lonlieness gets filled. It doesn't mean that when you are down there is someone there for you.
Jaimie, like Michaela, walked into a room bringing a huge force of energy and positive feelings. They expressed it in very different ways though. Jaimie was the tough girl, playing at being a gangster she wasn't. Michaela was the social butterfly; playing at being the confident young woman that she wasn't. I suppose we all play at being something we are not, especially when we are young. It takes a lot of strength and maturity to even learn who we are, let alone to let other people see that real person.
Jaimie liked to walk in and try to tackle my husband. I think it was fun for her to tackle someone she couldn't actually take down. I think it made her feel feminine even while she played at being gangster.
Michaela would get very upset with Jaimie, as I said, Jaimie was troubled. Michaela didn't always approve of what Jaimie was doing with her life, but she just didn't abandon her. She still loved her. In fact, she couldn't stay away from her for many years--she would get upset and say she couldn't hang out with her any more and the next thing I knew Jaimie would be back at the house. Michaela said she was just too much fun. That she was too funny and always could make her laugh no matter what. I heard that sentiment repeated over and over during the visitation.
I can't pretend I knew Jaimie well. She spent a lot of time at my house over the years, but mostly doing girl things with Michaela or just popping in and out on the way to the movies or the bowling alley. Once she got ready for a dance at our house and her mother came to help and take pictures. I knew her relationship with her mother was difficult, but I watched her mother brush her hair and there was so much love, I was a little jealous; I couldn't remember the last time I brushed Michaela's hair.
I saw her much less in the last few years, after Michaela left for college. The last time I saw her she came by to visit and tell me she was pregnant. We spoke several times about her bringing the baby by to meet me, but sadly it never happened. The first time I held Kylie was at Jaimie's visitation. She is a beautiful baby. She was so tired, you could see it on her face, but she gave me a big smile and a huge full armed, head on the shoulder hug and I knew that hug came from Jaimie. She is her mommy's girl.
Jaimie wasn't perfect. None of us are. But the world will have just a little less sunshine without her in it....and I suspect Heaven just got a whole lot louder.
