The Ghost of Halloween Past



In Sumter SC.

So many memories.  Thank God.  From the year before Michaela turned one, when I died her hair with food coloring so she could be a little martian.  How was I to know it wouldn't wash out???  To walking her up to the doors, to standing by the street and insisting I be able to hear both the 'trick or treat' and the 'Thank you', through the stages of princesses to scary to too old to trick or treat to her To her Haunted House in college that she enjoyed so much...this is nothing but Michaela's Halloween's in pictures....I hope you enjoy it.


At Shaw AFB Base Housing.  David was mad I wouldn't let him

Wear an actual hockey mask while trick or treating.

This was the year of standing by the street listing for thank you.  Karla

stayed home and gave out candy.

At Mildenhall England.  Yet another bunny...could be a lazy mom???

Bunnies and scarecrows are easy!

At Shaw AFB.  Michaela thought she was the prettiest Cinderella ever.

David hated the paint on his nose, but she convinced him it was perfect.

In Goldsboro NC.  The girls did their own make-up. 

In Hawaii with her 4 amigos + 1 I don't recognize.  One of the few Halloweens I missed. 

Goldsboro NC. 

Patrick AFB 2002.  She was so new here.  Halloween was a non-event except for this work party.

Melbourne FL 2004.  Flapper extraordinaire.

Self Explanatory.

At FSU.  I think this is supposed to be a pirate?

Pumpkin Carving Social at Kellum Hall.

Mich and Erin doing the haunted house circus thing?

Making carmel apples.  Heather carving her pumpkin.  Brandon doing...well, something.  And Sarah chillin'.

That is the last of the pictures I could find; although I know more exist.  I have never tried to put a link in this blog, but here goes, hope it works.  Watch it if you dare!

Kellum Hall Haunted House

Holidays

Thanksgiving with Grama and Grampa

One of the questions I get asked most often as a bereaved mother is how I get through the holidays or which holiday is the worst.  I guess I would say, for me, Thanksgiving is the by far the most difficult day to get through.  In general though, holidays themselves aren't the worst days.  On the holidays and before the holidays, the time is filled with preparations and visitors and general busyness.  And I can indulge myself in memories of past holidays to my heart's content.  The days after a holiday are often some of my saddest days.

Long ago July 4th

Of course the Fourth of July, being the day we said our last goodbyes to Michaela at our private beachside service will never be the same again.  I have no inclination to celebrate that day and feel no remorse about skipping fireworks and other festivities; although I don't mind going along if it is with family or friends, I can still remember and reflect.  Overall, I prefer to think of it as the day my husband proposed to me and as a day to quietly think about Michaela.  Since both things happened at the beach, that is where I like to go. 

Christmas mice

Holidays with Michaela were special.  She had such enthusiasm for them.  She loved them all and she loved the rituals and traditions that surround them.  Her favorite holiday was Thanksgiving because it involved her two favorite things:  food and family.  But all of the holidays were important, we colored Easter eggs, carved pumpkins, baked Christmas cookies.  Halloween costumes had to be homemade.  There was no skipping the traditions with her around.  We have not decorated the house for Halloween since 2008.  I doubt we will again. 

First year of pumpkin carving

We have a new tradition now that I hope we are able to maintain.  On Halloween we visit our grandchildren.  Since we don't get to see them on Christmas or Thanksgiving, what better way to make new memories than spending the same holiday year after year, doing the same traditions and watching the changes as the years pass.  Pumpkin picking, hay bale mazes, first painting pumpkins and the graduating to carving them as they get older, dressing up and trick or treating. 

Pumpkin Art

This year Heather came over with some friends and carved pumpkins.  It was fun and full of memories for me.  Next year we will be doing pumpkin painting with Miley, her baby, I hope, before we go up north to see the other grandkids.

And these new things will be a joy that I am thankful for, just as I am thankful for the memories I have of my own children doing these things. 

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

This morning I upgraded my Apple devices.  As soon as I was done, I eagerly explored my phone to see what was new and changed.  I liked the changes.  I can't wait to get my new phone at the end of the month. 

Last week I logged onto Facebook and there were changes.  I hesitantly clicked around to see what had changed and decide if I liked it or not.  My newsfeed was full of other people complaining about the changes.  The 'real' news was full of stories about people complaining about the changes. 

As a Human Resources development person with a MSA (Master of Science in Administration), much of my education was focused on managing change in large organizations.  In a nutshell, 2 years of education and several thousand dollars can be summed up by three words...communicate, communicate, communicate.

Now wouldn't you think the genious who could change the entire world's way of communicating would be able to figure this concept out?

Look at how Apple implements their changes:  Before they say a word, they build up anticipation by leaking little bits and pieces about what the changes are going to be.  Then they announce a date that they will make an announcement and the excitement mounts.  By the time they finally make the announcement, everyone is prepared to love whatever it is.   Then they make the announcement, but you still can't get it, more waiting...oh wait, you can pre-order!  Hurray!  Now you wait for your new device (or software) to arrive.  After all of this anticipation your mind is preprogrammed to love the change. 

Look at how FB implements their changes:  You wake up one morning and people are complaining on FB about the 'new FB' layout.  Your FB looks exactly the same.  You get on the 'real news' to see if you can find out what they are talking about.  Nothing there yet.  You wait anxiously (not the same as anticipating) for the change to strike your FB page.  One morning you wake up and everything is different.  You have 'the new FB', oh no, what is wrong with it?  You poke around expecting a stink bomb at every click of the button.  Eventually you get used to it and dread the next change.

Confusion

In general people hate change, but there are ways to make it more tolerable and even exciting.  In your workplace, in your family, with your friends, even in your own life you can make changes by communicating a positive message and allowing time for it to become a positive thing.  Any sudden, unexpected change causes stress and confusion.

I did this (internally) with my exercise program.  I had to stop yoga for a few weeks because I didn't want to give up those hours with my mom.  But every day I reminded myself, I can't wait to get back to yoga, I feel so good after yoga, so when I finally had the chance to go back I was excited about it and motivated to do it.  And I'm back at yoga now and feeling great!

It's all in how you look at it.

At the end of the month my husband will be changing from a Droid to an iPhone.  I plan to have him so excited to make this change that he won't even think to get frustrated when things are a bit different. 

Think about this next time you have to make a change--move, new school, new job, new process, new equipment, marriage, divorce, kids moving away--some changes may not seem so great on the face of it, but life takes you down a road that isn't always in your control.  How you communicate that change to yourself and to others can make everything better or much, much worse.

Momentum

I lost some of my momentum in the last few weeks.  But with very good cause, my mommy was visiting.  I have moved exercise to a very high spot on my priority list, but not as high as my mom who I just don't get to see that often.  So it has been two weeks since I have had a real workout.  I am excited, though, to start again next week.  Especially to go to yoga.  I love the way I feel after a yoga class.

In the meantime, I have been having trouble getting out of bed in the morning.  Not waking up.  Just making myself leave the bed.  I have been having extremely vivid dreams and when I wake up in the middle of one of them, even the most mundane of them, I just want to go back into that world.  My mind takes the real and the surreal and mashes it all together in an impossible way while I sleep.  Even when the dreams are bad, I want to go back into them and see how they turn out.  See if I can change the bad to good. 

This morning's dream was particularly mundane.  A friend and I were trying to clean a grape slushee out of a white carpet before her dad saw it.  Why on earth would I want to go back into that dream?  But I did.  I didn't open my eyes and I thought hard about what was going on in the dream, sometimes that let's me doze off and get back into it.  But no.  Not this time.  I think it is because in that dream world anything is possible and I want to be there.  It is always vividly colorful and everything seems slightly brighter and more intense than in the real world.  And when I can't get back to it, I start to feel sad.

Still my bed is warm and comfortable and I am not inclined to leave it.  I know I am not going to fall back to sleep.  My mind starts telling me that the sooner I get up and get moving the sooner I won't feel sad, the earlier I will get to work (thus the earlier I will get to come home), the more I will accomplish in the day...but I fight it.  I just don't have the motivation to make myself get up a minute before I have to. 

Yet my mind was right.  Once I do get up and start moving about, the sadness falls away and my mind turns to more productive thinking.  It is this way every day.  So why can't I start that pendulum swinging and get the momentum rolling without this daily battle?  I would love to be able to do some workouts in the morning before work, but I know I will lose this battle every time.  It matters not how late or early  I go to sleep, how well I sleep, or what I have planned for the day.

Does anybody have any 'tricks' that helps them get the morning started?