Holidays

Thanksgiving with Grama and Grampa

One of the questions I get asked most often as a bereaved mother is how I get through the holidays or which holiday is the worst.  I guess I would say, for me, Thanksgiving is the by far the most difficult day to get through.  In general though, holidays themselves aren't the worst days.  On the holidays and before the holidays, the time is filled with preparations and visitors and general busyness.  And I can indulge myself in memories of past holidays to my heart's content.  The days after a holiday are often some of my saddest days.

Long ago July 4th

Of course the Fourth of July, being the day we said our last goodbyes to Michaela at our private beachside service will never be the same again.  I have no inclination to celebrate that day and feel no remorse about skipping fireworks and other festivities; although I don't mind going along if it is with family or friends, I can still remember and reflect.  Overall, I prefer to think of it as the day my husband proposed to me and as a day to quietly think about Michaela.  Since both things happened at the beach, that is where I like to go. 

Christmas mice

Holidays with Michaela were special.  She had such enthusiasm for them.  She loved them all and she loved the rituals and traditions that surround them.  Her favorite holiday was Thanksgiving because it involved her two favorite things:  food and family.  But all of the holidays were important, we colored Easter eggs, carved pumpkins, baked Christmas cookies.  Halloween costumes had to be homemade.  There was no skipping the traditions with her around.  We have not decorated the house for Halloween since 2008.  I doubt we will again. 

First year of pumpkin carving

We have a new tradition now that I hope we are able to maintain.  On Halloween we visit our grandchildren.  Since we don't get to see them on Christmas or Thanksgiving, what better way to make new memories than spending the same holiday year after year, doing the same traditions and watching the changes as the years pass.  Pumpkin picking, hay bale mazes, first painting pumpkins and the graduating to carving them as they get older, dressing up and trick or treating. 

Pumpkin Art

This year Heather came over with some friends and carved pumpkins.  It was fun and full of memories for me.  Next year we will be doing pumpkin painting with Miley, her baby, I hope, before we go up north to see the other grandkids.

And these new things will be a joy that I am thankful for, just as I am thankful for the memories I have of my own children doing these things.