Words are Everything

It is hard to know what to say when someone dies.  It is particularly hard to know what to say to someone whose child died.  In the beginning, certain things are appropriate to say...the I'm sorry's, and so forth.  I blogged a long time ago about things that newly bereaved parents want to hear and don't want to hear.  But now two years have passed and of course, things have changed.  I am no longer newly bereaved.  The time for I'm sorry's and pity has passed.  I'm sure now it is even harder for people who don't see me every day to know what to say to me; so most say nothing at all. 

I guess nothing at all is ok.  There are worse things.  But if everyone said nothing at all, my world would be much darker.  I remember Michaela and I remember that she died.  You aren't going to remind me or revive my grief by speaking her name.  Just the opposite, by speaking of her, you lift my heart by telling me that she is not forgotten. 

Now, around the anniversary of her death, I have been blessed with many messages and new posts on her FB walls.  I read each and every one of them.  Sometimes over and over.  Although, I wish sadness on no one, I am comforted by knowing I am not alone in my grief, that she was a person worth remembering and missing, and that so many people do remember her kindly and with love.

Michaela was 21 years old when she died.  She had spent 3 years away at college and a summer in Italy.  She had a whole life of her own that I was not a daily part of.  So, while I love all of the messages and comments and posts, my favorites are still the ones that start like this:  You don't know me, but....

I love these messages because they tell me something about Michaela that I didn't already know.  Sometimes it is a memory, sometimes it is a story of how she changed a life, sometimes it is simply reaching out to say, hey I miss her too.  No matter what the message is, it is gratefully received. 

If you are ever just thinking of someone who died, don't hesitate to reach out with a message to their loved ones.  I promise you they will appreciate every word.