Choice

Reading and Dogs = Happiness for the Women in my Family!

I have been doing some different reading lately.  My normal leisure reading is Chick Lit and murder/thrillers.  After Michaela died I started reading about Angels and other afterlife type topics, but after a bit, I stopped reading those too.  Most of them were very heavily religious.  I'm not anti-religion particularly, but I believe the way I believe and many of these books were pushing a specific set of beliefs.  That turned me off. 



Cool Beads! 

 Lately I have been reading inspirational things; affirming things.  Writings that don't necessarily use religion as a push for morality and goodness, but instead talk of finding your inner strength and beauty.  Of opening yourself to the beauty and power of the universe and all of its gifts.  Articles, books, and webpages that emphasize the power of choice in our happiness.



Sage, Michaela, and Sarah Choosing Happiness.

 I believe this emphatically (even though I haven't always been successful at it).  Everything we do is a choice; how we feel is a choice.  Many things, perhaps most things are not under our control.  Those aren't things we should worry about.  How we react to our personal situation is our choice though and that choice can make every difference in how we feel about ourselves, our lives, our happiness, and our future.  And it isn't just one choice, but it is a continuous choice!  To live happily we have to choose to live happily over and over again. 




Michaela wanted to wallpaper a wall with this picture.

 I would never have chosen for Michaela to die.  That was out of my control.  But how I choose to live my life every day now is my own choice and I choose to be happy.  It is much harder to choose happiness now than it used to be.  It was a choice I made most of my life unconsciously.  Until Michaela died, I almost always felt lucky and happy and like nothing truly bad could ever really happen to me.  That I could cope with anything and make the best of it.  After Michaela died, I was very, very angry at the universe.  How could this happen?  Why? Why? Why?   It has taken me a long time and a lot of work to get back to this point.  There have been times when I couldn't quite get my mind around the idea that I even had a choice.



Don't be Afraid to Live!

 I read a lot of things written by other bereaved parents and am quite astounded by the range of emotion they display.  I used to I wonder why that was.  Why are some parents able to be happy and live while other parents get stuck in the misery of their loss?  Why some parents believe living the best, happiest life they can is an honor to their child but other parents seem to feel like the only way they can project their love for their lost child is to continue to cry forever and they feel guilty if they smile or laugh.  I can't imagine that if they could grasp the spirituality of their 'lost' child they would feel that way. 

Reading has helped me.  Some of my friends have helped me.  My friend, Kim, said that after the first 30 seconds anger is a choice.  That any emotion can only run through you for 30 seconds (I might be getting the time wrong, but it is very short) and after that if we continue to stay mad it is because we are choosing to.  I have thought about that a lot.   I am also very certain raising my activity level for the last month has helped me. 



The View is Better from the Top!

 I am working on making better choices all the way around.  I posted a picture from the FB page "Pure Nourishment" (great site for positive thinking!) the other day that said The Choices We Make Define Us.  I thought about that all day long.  It is absolutely true.  If someone has to describe you, they are going to pick words based on the choices you have made in life--the things you DO, not the things you SAY.  



This is my new goal:  Each morning, I will get out of bed and make a choice to be happy.  I will turn on the lights, hug the dog, and sing through my shower, no matter how tired I feel.  I will help myself help myself by playing music at my desk and playing picture slide shows on my iPad that make me smile.  I will bounce in my chair and visit with my coworkers and choose productivity over idleness.  Then at the end of the day, when I am tired, I will choose to move one more time to do something positive--walk, run, yoga, swim, even clean the house--before I allow myself to rest and enjoy some quiet time.  I won't always succeed, but every success leads to more success and I choose to spiral upwards towards happiness rather than downwards in a continuous spiral of depression.



What Inspires You???

 In addition to my normal reading material, I am consciously seeking things to read that affirm my positive feelings and thoughts. Writings that inspire me to be happy and embrace life.  I also look for books, articles, blogs, websites and even movies that reaffirm my belief in the oneness of the universe and the spiritual presence of my daughter in my current life and the promise of her in my next form of being, whatever it is.





If you have read (or watched or done) anything particularly inspiring lately, please share with me and I will also share for those interested, some of the material I have found that leads me towards happiness.





Poem by Susan Sweat.  Smile by Michaela.